FROZEN IN MY BROKENNESS

Struggling with increasing pain,
feeling the weight of incompleteness,
mourning my inability to do much of what I feel called to do—

I poured out my heart to the one who already knows. As I opened my journal and picked up my pen, I sensed His reply:

I need your broken pieces, don’t apologize for them.
I could have kept you whole but I Am rebuilding.
Do not despise the days of waiting 
for My work to be completed

So, I waited, and the cracks grew deeper.

I waited, and the pain spread to new places.

I waited, and the list of things I felt able to do shortened with each passing day.

I waited, but perhaps without faith that God would be true to His word.

I was frozen in my brokenness—dry, splintered, fragile. The road ahead and behind was rocky, rutted, and slippery. It was hard to see the signposts in clouds of dust. My steps were small and painful, both in body and heart. Yet surely the refreshing eruption of new life was waiting, ever waiting, just around the next curve.

REJOICE, PRAY, AND GIVE THANKS

Focusing on the waiting dulled my ability to see anything positive that might have been passing before me. When God showed me the state I was in, I asked Him how to change my perspective. He answered in my daily reading the very next day:

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

That was the day I grabbed a small journal and began a daily list of things I was grateful for. I decided I had to list at least three things a day, no matter how difficult it was to find them.

Not long after, I awoke one morning—singing: words that arose from my spirit without forethought, words of adoration, words of praise, and words of gratitude.

I thanked Him for love, for light, and for life.

I thanked Him for His plans, His purposes.

I even sang thanksgiving for pain, knowing I may be crushed but never, no never, destroyed.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

GRATITUDE LEADS TO CELEBRATION

The morning chill invades my bones
but I thank the Lord for the shelter of home
choosing gratitude today.

My heart flutters, aches, grieves
but I thank the Lord for the gift of emotions
choosing gratitude today.

My mind races with wild imaginings
but I thank the Lord for the ability to think
choosing gratitude today.

I can focus on all I do not possess
but I thank the Lord for all He has provided
choosing gratitude today.

I remember the song “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music:

When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
When I’m feeling sad…
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.
(Oscar Hammerstein II and Richard Rodgers)

It is in the cracks, the dark, the cold, and the lonely places that we find the hardest Thank You. When we pull gratitude into the light, sparks fly, breath shifts, and doors open to joy and celebration. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name! (Psalm 100:4)

These words of mine ring true:

cold settles into the deepest
pain in my bones
still, I can appreciate
beauty, snow-burdened branches
painted skies
and the hush
of a season that comes
wanted or not
Let peace fall.

PRAYER

Father, thank You that You take our broken pieces and rebuild us. The waiting can be hard, so help us hold fast to our faith, trusting that You are present in all of it. Prompt our hearts towards gratitude. Help us choose gratitude and see all Your gifts. May Your peace fall on us now. In Jesus’ name, amen.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

• Can you recall a time when you found yourself waiting for God to meet you where you were?
• Have you noticed that gratitude changes your perspective? How?
• Why not start a gratitude journal today? Each day this week, write down three things you are grateful for.