When OCD Steals Your Peace

A POSTPARTUM OCD EPISODE

I was on the stairs, hurrying upstairs to my crying newborn when it happened.

The thought crashed in like a tidal wave, slamming me to the wall.  My body reacted.  I felt hot and nauseous; my chest tightened; pressure built behind my eyes; my mouth went dry. I was in the middle of a postpartum OCD episode. 

The thought focused on my newborn son and a horrific outcome—a thought so dark and disgusting that even now, years later, I refuse to write it down or give it more space than it deserves.  It felt foreign—like something injected into my mind. I’ve always been a romantic-comedy-don’t-like-horror-or-scary-stuff kind of lady.  These images did not align with my heart or my faith.

I know parts of Psalm 91, especially verse 14: “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.”

So that’s exactly what I did over and over and over again…

…I acknowledged his name.

I switched places with the Psalmist, feeling protected, covered, and held.  I let the words of the psalm flow through my mind.

I also held onto the truth that I have the mind of Christ. (1Corinthians 2:16b). As I climbed those stairs, I repeated parts of Psalm 91:14 under my breath, trusting that the Lord was with me every single step of the way.

BATTLING FOR TRUTH

If you’ve ever experienced obsessive or intrusive thoughts, you know that the fear isn’t just about the content. It’s the shame and confusion—the questions that whisper: “Do I really think that?  Is that really me?”

Before this episode, my OCD had been quieter, ruminating on conversations, replaying what I should have said, striving for perfection, worrying what others thought of me. Exhausting? Yes—but manageable.

This was different: I was terrified to pick up my son.

On those stairs, shaking and desperate, I whispered aloud: Jesus, come—and in the name of Jesus, go! For a moment, the thought lifted—but it returned again and again with different scenarios at various times of day. It was always unwanted and always distressing. Yet somewhere beneath the noise, I knew something else: God would have the final word over my mind.

For years, I had been taking my thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). When anxious or condemning thoughts surfaced, I replaced them with scripture. It created a rhythm that brought peace.

This was different; this was war! 

RECLAIMING MY MIND WITH CHRIST

I had to reclaim my God-given brain. I began meditating on, memorizing, and reciting verses that offered hope, peace, and protection, like Philippians 4:8:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

God was not afraid of my mind, nor was He intimidated, shocked, disappointed, grossed out, or detached by my intrusive thoughts. He met me in this terrible mess: He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. (Psalm 107:20)

If You Are Battling Your Mind, remember this:

• Your thoughts are not your identity.
• Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean you have to own it.
• You are not beyond God’s help.
• He wants to give you peace: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27).

If you are struggling today, consider printing the Chronic Joy printable For A Mother’s Soul and read it often. When fear calls, answer it with truth. When shame drops in, respond with scripture. When your mind feels loud, let God’s word be louder:

• He will comfort you (Isaiah 66:13).
• She is (I am) clothed with strength and dignity (Proverbs 31:25).
• The teaching of kindness is on her tongue (Proverbs 31:26).

I AM NOT CONDEMNED

Chronic Joy’s God Says I Am printable is a great reminder of the truth. When my mind tries to label me as dangerous, unstable, or broken, this printable reminds me:

I am chosen. (1 Peter 2:9, John 15:16, Ephesians 1:4)
I am loved. (Jeremiah 31:3)

I am redeemed. (Isaiah 43:1, Ephesians 1:7)
I am not condemned. (Romans 8:1)

God did NOT assign intrusive thoughts to me; scripture affirms the truth. (Psalm 119:25-32)

If anxiety or OCD has ever made you question who you are, this printable can help anchor you in what God says.

PRAYER

God, thank You for my sound mind and for my identity rooted in You. Remind me of who I am in Christ; guard my mind with Your peace and my thoughts with Your thoughts. Protect me with Your calming presence and steady me with Your peace. Amen

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

• What is the main focus of your anxiety or OCD? (This is where the enemy will attack.)
• What would it be like for you to surrender all your anxious thoughts to God? He is prepared to take them from you.
• With what truth does God want to replace these anxious thoughts? You can ask God to take your thoughts captive and make them obedient to Him. He will do so—AND He will give you new thoughts and restore your peace.